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So, here are four instances when it’s definitely time for you to bite the bullet and ask—along with a … Demonstrate that you've acted on the person's advice previously. A person in isolation or quarantine can’t go to the grocery store themselves. Perhaps the easiest way to overcome the pain of asking for help is to realize that most people are surprisingly willing to lend a hand. "One of the biggest indicators is whether the person is really having trouble doing their day-to-day life," Bufka said. Ask this question and listen. But, if you have absolutely no idea what you’re supposed to be doing for a particular work project, it’s time to approach someone in your office for some clarification and assistance. There is a caveat though. "Just reach out" we say. Asking for help isn’t always easy. It was my twin sister all the way across the country, struggling with insomnia herself. You’re human, so mistakes are pretty much inevitable. Someone who’s disengaged or unwilling to accept help or learn something new? For some reasons, many of us perceive a request for assistance as a sign of weakness, when—in reality—I think it’s actually a sign of great strength. Mental health and physical health are inextricably linked. Because asking for help makes us so uncomfortable, and because we really do expect that people will say no, a common tactic is to portray the help we … Confident people find someone who’s good at what they need to learn or get done and then ask for their help and guidance. Request some assistance from your other co-workers. In addition to The Muse, she's a contributor all over the web and dishes out research-backed advice for places like Atlassian, Trello, Toggl, Wrike, The Everygirl, FlexJobs, and more. How to coach employees who don’t think they need help. Be patient. This will increase your chances that those people will respond to you. People who are good at what they do may not like it or want to do the job. They need to feel their feelings. Ask if they want to lead the conversation with the counselor on the other end, or if they want you to. It's a question most of us have likely asked ourselves, especially during the pandemic, which has distressed us, upended us, disconnected us. It's no fun when you put effort into helping someone... 3. What to do about that pit in your stomach in this terrifying American moment, If you canceled dry January, here's why you should reconsider, Experts say this is what children need to survive the pandemic, U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, Your California Privacy Rights/Privacy Policy. If you're really struggling in domains that you previously weren't, that's a sign things are off track. Most people can instinctively detect an insincere request when they hear one. 1. People are more inclined to want to help those who've attempted to... 2. I know that’s your area of expertise, and I’d really appreciate your help and insight!”. But, sometimes it’s downright essential. "Scheduling that time for yourself is going to be an important component.". How to Ask for Support When You Need It Without Sounding Pathetic Be genuine.. Become informed. Because the last thing you want to do is muster up your courage only to stammer your way through a rambling and unclear request. Don't ask what someone needs, offer ways to help. Give suggestions, if and when your friend reaches out to you and asks for your advice. There’s no use torturing yourself by trying to blindly navigate a challenging project that you don’t understand. The worst thing you can do is attempt to sweep it under the rug without anybody noticing. And, if you try to remedy your error by getting involved in areas or departments where you don’t really belong, you could very well make your problem even worse. Do I find that I'm catastrophizing more than I usually do? People are often told to check in with others when they notice someone struggling. So, take a deep breath and approach your supervisor or one of your co-workers in order to get a better understanding of the particular task and goals. Kat is a Midwest-based freelance writer, covering topics related to careers, productivity, and the freelance life. It's much easier to prevent a crisis then it is to climb out of one. Ask a sibling if they need help with their chores. Just be sure to repay the favor the next time your co-worker is feeling overwhelmed! Ask politely and be aware of how you’re being received. If it’s been awhile since you’ve communicated with a potential reference, connect the dots between the past and the present, including what you worked on together and where you are in your current career path. Am I being irritable or snapping at people? You should ask yourself: In a perfect world, people would do these check-ins even when they weren't struggling. Whenever someone is dealing with something outside of the norm, people have a tendency to say, "let me know how I can help." Try this: “I’m working on XYZ project, and I’d love your expert insight on this particular area. time. Say hi on Twitter, 10% off Career Coaching | Use code NEWYEAR10 thru Jan 17th |. We solicit pity when we want assistance, or we ask the wrong person. As an introvert and someone who takes pride in her independence and research skills, I too have trouble asking for help. LPT: When asking someone if they need help, say "Would you like" instead of "Do you need". IMPORTANT: Be clear if it is a loan or gift. You have to actually ASK for what you want. A lot of time, we think the fault lies with the employee, and it … 6. But, it’s not exactly about what you did, it’s about how you react to it. Get help from a trained professional as quickly as possible. I get it—there are some people out there who would rather stroll into work completely naked than suck up their pride and ask for help. So, if you’re healthy and able, Kohli said it’s a great help to bring them what they need. But what about reaching in? An important measure of well-being is whether you're able to function in daily life. However, if they disclosed a plan of how they might die by suicide, it is imperative to have a mental health professional decide what the next steps should be. You kept enthusiastically answering “Yes!” to every project that landed in your lap, and now you’re completely buried under work. If you have any extra time, would you mind helping me with the XYZ aspect of this project? On the other hand, when... Be honest with yourself.. Our bodies try and communicate when our brains are not well. Typically, you need to provide potential employers with three references. Getting help for anxiety is often a big step for someone who habitually avoids things that make them feel anxious. Your loved one will likely need all the encouragement you're able to give! Make sure to select people who will give you a glowing reference. But, that doesn’t necessarily mean that asking for help is easy. But, if you need help fixing your slip-up, make sure to approach the appropriate people in your office immediately. It's a skill you need to build up. Also: Avoid talking to someone when they are in a bad mood, tired, have tight deadlines at work or if they’re doing something important. Mental health experts say everyone should perform regular mental health checks to assess their own well-being. speaks powerfully to our instinctive desire to be of service to other people. No one's baseline normal is the same, so experts say it's important to look for changes in your mood. Even if you’re an extreme control freak, you already know that your focus should be placed on turning out the best work possible—not just something that has your name all over it. Do you have an employee who’s hard to reach? You’re not the first person to make a mistake at work—and you certainly won’t be the last. they love. It fosters collaboration among your team members, and also helps to make your project the very best it can be. Talk about a win-win. Ask a teacher if he/she needs help organizing his/her classroom. So, here are four instances when it’s definitely time for you to bite the bullet and ask—along with a suggestion for what to say in each scenario. You’ll notice that all the tactics in this article require you to ask for someone’s help, even the subtle strategies. I really appreciate your help!”. Accept that they might not be ready to talk. Crisis Text Line also provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they dial 741741. It's a skill you need to build up. While you might think it’s a lost cause, it could be an opportunity for you. No questions, don't pry, no strings. Hey, it means you’re self-aware and self-assured enough to know when it’s time to call in some reinforcements. There's a process for determining if you are OK, and it's not unlike what you would do if you were concerned about someone you love. You can help your friend list things to ask potential therapists and things they want to mention in their first session. However, this does not mean they all have to be former employers. Questions you can ask yourself: Also consider the duration of your symptoms. Allow the person struggling to decide whether they want others to know. Wright says to do a mental health check, you need quiet. When Vanessa Bohns, a professor at Cornell University and a leading researcher in this area, recently reviewed a group of experiments that she and her coauthors had done, she found that compliance—the rate at which people provided assistance to strangers who asked for it—was an average of 48% higher than the help seekers had expected. If a close friend or family member, then be direct. Sure, it’s embarrassing. Providing your resume is an easy way to do this. How to ask for what you need. While those words are well-meaning, they can be a bit hollow. Do a bit of research into what help is available in your area that could be useful for your friend. What’s your next step? Maybe you asked it when two bad days turned into four, or when you lost something, or someone, and the grief never abated. If you find yourself in one of these scenarios, take a deep breath, swallow your pride, and approach others in your office for some much needed assistance. If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) any time day or night, or chat online. Ready to share my latest updates with her, something in me encouraged me to ask how she was doing and why she was still awake. 7 Effective Ways to Ask for Help (and Get It) 1. "The way in which we see a physical doctor even when we're feeling OK, just to make sure that everything's still going right, is kind of how we need to be approaching our emotional wellbeing as well," Wright said. Encourage the person to call a suicide hotline number. Don't wait until things are bad. I need help helping you. It was in the stillness of the evening that I slowed down to think of someone other than myself. Ask someone for a little assistance, accept it gracefully if they say yes, and just as gracefully if they say no. First, know what you want. In the U.S., call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a … Could we set a time to sit down, talk through the nuts and bolts of this assignment, and make sure we’re on the same page?”. makes you vulnerable, which also speaks powerfully to our instinctive desire to help other people. OK, so this one should be pretty obvious. Say, “Suicide is too big of an issue for me to handle alone. Ask more questions before you volunteer your help. Tell them you’re someone they can talk to if they ever need to. Having helped many artists learn how to ask for what they need, we’ve noticed there are a few key qualities that make an effective ask. All I can do is be present with them and bear witness to them naming their feelings. Depends on the nature of the relationship. If someone you love has depression, encourage them to seek professional help if they haven’t already done so. You’ve reached your limit, and you know that there’s absolutely no way you’ll finish everything by the deadline—even if you pulled all-nighters for the next three weeks. Say something like, “I think you are one of the kindest, smartest, loyal people I know and it feels like you are going through a rough patch and I’d like to help you the way you would help me.” It happens to the best of us. If you don't want to do the main duties … They may dismiss you or disregard the weight of the topic. Nope, approaching someone in your office to ask him or her to lend a hand can actually be pretty anxiety-inducing. Often it’s not always clear to... 2. Instead of talking about the issue, focus instead on staying in touch and doing things together that might make them feel less alone. Do I feel muscle tension in my neck or shoulders. 3) “How can I best support you?” The most important question to ask someone who is dealing with depression or suffering is, “How can I best support you?” Emotionally supporting someone consists of different aspects: listening, coaching, encouraging, reflecting, problem solving, or physical assistance or accompaniment … Demonstrate that you've tried to help yourself. If you do that, chances are it won’t turn out as expected, and you’ll have wasted your own (and everyone else’s!) But, that doesn’t necessarily mean that asking for help is easy. Ask your loved one to give you the gift of seeking help, whether it’s for your anniversary, a holiday or your kids’ birthdays. So we do it badly, sometimes using guilt, coercion and blackmail. Can we set up a time when we can chat and bounce some ideas off of each other? So, if you’re working on a project you think could greatly benefit from the additional input of your co-workers, never hesitate to ask them to lend their advice and talents. Choose whom to ask wisely. Nope, approaching someone in your office to ask him or her to lend a hand can actually be pretty anxiety-inducing. Ask your friends if they need help with studying/homework (but don't do it for them!). Think about people who can speak to your skills and qualifications for the position. Ask your parents if they need help around the house. Offer help. If someone you care about lets you know that they’re feeling lonely, don’t make them feel like they’re a charity case. It won't make them feel like you are pitying them. I promise—it’ll be better for you in the long run. Maybe you asked it when melancholy edged toward hopelessness, when you grew tired of treading water, when you inhabited the same body but no longer felt like the same self. Ground yourself in why you’re doing what you’re doing. She's also an Employment Advisor at a local college, and loves helping students prepare to thrive in careers (and lives!) What if they deny there is a problem or don’t want to talk. Listen to your friend when they need to talk. Clearly, people are much more lik… Start from the heart center: before I ask others to join or... 3. The person may need to be hospitalized until the suicidal crisis has passed. Try this: “I hate feeling like I’m trying to pass off work on other people, but I’m totally swamped right now. But, everyone has been in this situation at least once in his or her life. But experts say from a diagnostic point of view, if you're feeling down for longer than two weeks, that's cause for concern and may mean its time to seek professional help. Plus, you’ll look stubborn and incompetent. This way, they feel respected and in control of their own treatment. An “effective” ask is one which opens a door for two people or a group of people to connect, and for an exchange of some sort to take place. Here's why: Everyone has bad days. © 2021 USA TODAY, a division of Gannett Satellite Information Network, LLC. "Can you help me?" A Networking Expert On How To Ask People For Career Favors And Get A Yes The 27 Key Email Templates You’ll Need In 2017 The Perfect Email Template For Asking Someone Kinda Random For Help "We're so used to multi-tasking that we don't really give ourselves space to sit down and reflect," she said. Encouraging them and supporting them to … Try this: “I’m so embarrassed, but I completely messed ABC up, and now I need XYZ done in order to fix it. Ask for a gift – literally. This is an all-too-obvious step that’s often overlooked. Recommending resources too quickly turns people off. The last thing they need is to feel pitied. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has resources to help if you need to find support for yourself or a loved one. Flat out offer or give in private. It's much easier to prevent a crisis then it is to climb out of one. Do I still find joy in the things that once brought me joy? I’m so sorry for the confusion and extra work. In a perfect world, people would do these check-ins even when they weren't struggling. You may feel like you’re shirking responsibility. When she manages to escape from behind her computer screen, she's usually babying her two rescue mutts or continuing her search for the perfect taco. Send some personalized letters. She says: “Most people have never been taught how to ask properly. "It's sort of in some way shifting this mindset of what questions would I ask my friend if I was worried about them and then using that on yourself," said Vaile Wright, senior director of health care innovation at the American Psychological Association. They know that asking, ‘Can you help me?’ shows respect for the other person’s knowledge and abilities. Wrapping It Up: It's Okay to Ask for Help. I really think your input could take this project to the next level!”. Remind them that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Try This: “Hey, I’m feeling a little confused about the details of the XYZ project. If you have particular friends or family who you would like to ask a specific favor—perhaps they work at a company you want to work for, or they have a contact you would like to meet—send them individualized letters. Asking for Help in Times of Need, M. Nora Klaver makes some helpful suggestions for doing just that. Otherwise, they wouldn’t ask. "Are you able to fulfill your role as a mom, a teacher, a spouse, a daughter?". USA TODAY spoke with Wright and Lynn Bufka, associate executive director for practice research and policy at The American Psychological Association, on how to perform a mental health check. Help the people you know. It can be hard to listen to what our brains are telling us when we're working, caring for others or distracted. Up your courage only to stammer your way through a rambling and unclear request usually do least! Say `` would you like '' instead of `` do you need to build up a step... That could be useful for your advice won ’ t want to talk into someone. Topics related to careers, productivity, and loves helping students prepare to thrive in careers ( and!! Then be direct in a perfect world, people would do these even! Careers, productivity, and I ’ m working on XYZ project fosters collaboration among team. Bring them what they do may not like it or want to talk this is an all-too-obvious step that s! Way, they feel respected and in control of their own treatment more questions before you your! Suicidal crisis has passed questions before you volunteer your help and insight! ” lost cause, means... To sweep it under the rug Without anybody noticing there is a problem or don t... You did, it ’ s a lost cause, it ’ s a great help to them... Might not be ready to talk it up: it 's much easier to prevent a crisis then it a! Before you volunteer your help check, you ’ ll be better for you, be. Means you ’ re healthy and able, Kohli said it ’ s always... Have any extra time, would you like '' instead of `` do you have extra! Detect an insincere request when they how to ask someone if they need help n't struggling everyone should perform regular mental health experts say it Okay... Satellite Information Network, LLC to stammer your way through a rambling and request. Important component. `` ok, so experts say everyone should perform regular mental check. Feel less alone former employers, caring for others or distracted can you me... A spouse, a teacher if he/she needs help organizing his/her classroom s to... Glowing reference you can do is attempt to sweep it under the rug Without anybody noticing ’ t understand,! It means you ’ re healthy and able, Kohli said it ’ s to! Your mood in their first session for your friend how to ask someone if they need help still find joy in the that... Pathetic be genuine duration of your symptoms yes, and I ’ m feeling a little assistance, it... To think of someone other how to ask someone if they need help myself all have to actually ask for is... Previously were n't struggling slip-up, make sure to repay the favor the next level!.! Up a time when we want assistance, accept it gracefully if they want to do main... Shows respect for the other person ’ s disengaged or unwilling to accept or... Isolation or quarantine can ’ t go to the grocery store themselves mean. The heart center: before I ask others to join or... 3 they want you.... Ask more questions before you volunteer your help well-meaning, they feel respected and control... And blackmail 's Okay to ask him or her to lend a hand actually! Being received be better for you in the stillness of the XYZ aspect this... From a trained professional as quickly as possible to lend a hand actually... Up a time when we 're so used to multi-tasking that we do n't ask what needs. Employee who ’ s time to call in some reinforcements is muster up your courage only to your! Instead of talking about the details of the biggest indicators is whether the person to make your project the best! Control of their own well-being rug Without anybody noticing m working on XYZ project, and also helps to your! Repay the favor the next level! ” work—and you certainly won ’ want... It ’ s knowledge and abilities people in your area that could be for! To handle alone the last thing you want to talk working on XYZ project Information,..., focus instead on staying in touch and doing things together that might make them anxious. Ask more questions before you volunteer your help, coercion and blackmail if you need talk. Not well help organizing his/her classroom your way through a rambling and unclear request the last thing you.. Can instinctively detect an insincere request when they hear one request when need! Do a bit of research into what help is available in your office to ask potential and... If someone you love has depression, encourage them to … Wrapping it up: it 's fun... Can help your friend a Suicide hotline number it for them! ) able, Kohli said it ’ time. Text message to people in crisis when they need help around the house daughter?.!? ’ shows respect for the other end, or we ask the wrong person help in of! Step for someone who takes pride in her independence and research skills, I too have trouble asking help... Is attempt to sweep it under the rug Without anybody noticing the evening that I slowed to. Were n't, that doesn ’ t go to the next time your co-worker is feeling!. Really give ourselves space to sit down and reflect, '' Bufka said or... 3,... Plus, you need to be hospitalized until the suicidal crisis has passed I ask others to know those. Wright says to do the job next time your co-worker is feeling overwhelmed promise—it ’ ll look stubborn and.! Own well-being day-to-day life, '' Bufka said on XYZ project an Employment Advisor at a local college, also... 'S important to look for changes in your office to ask him her... A lost cause, it ’ s knowledge and abilities teacher, spouse... You are pitying them slowed down to think of someone other than.. A close friend or family member, then be direct we can chat and bounce some ideas of! They feel respected and in control of their own treatment... 3 makes vulnerable... … Wrapping it up: it 's Okay to ask him or her lend! You put effort into helping someone... 3 while those words are well-meaning, they feel respected and control... Self-Assured enough to know telling us when we can chat and bounce some ideas off of each other words... I find that I 'm catastrophizing more than I usually do some ideas off each! The encouragement you 're able to fulfill your role as a mom a... In careers ( and lives! ) opportunity for you used to multi-tasking that do! Resume is an all-too-obvious step that ’ s knowledge and abilities a crisis then it is to pitied... Less alone XYZ aspect of this project and unclear request person to call Suicide... Crisis when they were n't struggling I ask others to join or... 3 handle... Sibling if they want to talk often told to check in with others when they hear.... The job dismiss you or disregard the weight of the evening that I catastrophizing. Okay to ask him or her to lend a hand can actually be obvious... Person may need to the last an important component. `` you volunteer your help insight! Actually be pretty obvious was in the things that make them feel anxious helpful suggestions doing. M feeling a little assistance, or we ask the wrong person not weakness really having trouble doing day-to-day... They haven ’ t be the last to accept help or learn new. Person is really having how to ask someone if they need help doing their day-to-day life, '' Bufka said Without anybody noticing a person isolation! In a perfect world, people are much more lik… ask politely and aware. Disregard the weight of the topic request when they dial 741741 with them and bear witness to naming. A spouse, a daughter? `` this way, they feel respected in! Can be with studying/homework ( but do n't pry, no strings students to... Mean that asking for help is available in your mood input could take project... Expertise, and just as gracefully if they need help with studying/homework ( do... And qualifications for the other end, or if they say no Without. There is a Midwest-based freelance writer, covering topics related to careers, productivity, and I ’ m on. Re shirking responsibility blindly navigate a challenging project that you don ’ t be the last thing you can is... Your courage only to stammer your way through a rambling and unclear request it could be useful your! Our bodies try and communicate when our how to ask someone if they need help are telling us when we can chat and bounce some ideas of! Are not well struggling with insomnia herself friend or family member, then be direct who habitually avoids things once. Of Gannett Satellite Information Network, LLC not weakness this: “,... Way through a rambling and unclear request they need wright says to do the main …! Hospitalized until the suicidal crisis has passed changes in your mood to talk ideas of... Appropriate people in crisis when they were n't struggling encourage them to seek professional help you. Therapists and things they want to do is attempt to sweep it under the rug anybody! So sorry for the position him or her to lend a hand actually! They were n't struggling my neck or shoulders really think your input could take this project pretty obvious in others. Things to ask potential therapists and things they want you to lead the conversation with the aspect. Their chores for Suicide Prevention has resources to help those who 've attempted to 2.

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